How to Plan a More Gender-Inclusive Wedding

American weddings are inherently traditional. Whether they’re big or small, outside or in a church, they typically all follow the same blueprint. That’s part of what is so beautiful about them—you’re subscribing to a tradition that is centuries long to promise your partner that your love will last an eternity. The traditional nature of weddings, however, are often highly gendered, with dated language and traditional practices built around a gender binary and heterosexual norms. At TwoBirch, we don’t believe in setting those kinds of boundaries around love and marriage. Having a more gender-inclusive wedding can require a little bit of extra effort.  We’ve provided a few tips and tricks to banish restrictive gender barriers from your special day and help create a welcoming space to all your guests.

Neutralize the Language

How to Plan a More Gender-Inclusive Wedding“One of the biggest changes we’ve seen modern couples change is the language used during ceremony,” Ainsley Blattel, Vice President and lead planner, and Amy Shackelford, CEO, and founder of Modern Rebel, an alternative event planning company that prioritizes diversity, told Bustle. “So many wedding ‘traditions’ stem from the time when women were literally property, so a lot of the language is framed around the transfer of ownership of the woman involved. It’s 2018 — women aren’t down for that.”

Most of the buzzwords used throughout a traditional wedding—bride, grooms, maid of honor, best man—are specifically gendered. With a lot of LGBTQ+ couples, these words are neither fitting nor necessary. Altering the language to make it more inclusive, neutral, and suitable for the happy couple shouldn’t be a radical concept. You should be allowed to have fun with the words you use on your special day.

“For the ceremony, people are ditching ‘you may now kiss the bride’ and ‘I pronounce you husband and wife’. Things like ‘you may now seal your vows with a kiss’ or ‘I pronounce you married,'” are popular, Blattel and Shackelford said.

Out with Archaic Traditions

How to Plan a More Gender-Inclusive WeddingBouquet and garter-tossing are becoming less widespread at modern weddings.  They are often seen as pitting single women against each other and objectifying them. Garter-tossing, mainly, should be left out of any marriage if you want to make the femmes feel comfortable and respected.

Many couples are often omitting the “father-giveaway.”  The giveaway is seen as a sexist and creepy tradition of male possession.  Instead, couples are putting their spin on the opening-ceremony tradition. One popular variation is for both parents to be part of the “giveaway”.   Frequently, both partners walk down the aisle rather than have one waiting for the other’s “delivery.”There are many other ideas that make both parties comfortable. Many couples are employing alternative openings to make the ceremony center around equality and partnership rather than ownership and ritual.

How to Plan a More Gender-Inclusive Wedding
The critical thing to remember is that at the end of the day you’re getting married to the person you love, and the wedding is a beautiful celebration of that.  It shouldn’t be about sticking to old traditions and language that you and your partner don’t relate to. Design your wedding around your fundamental values so that the ceremony reflects your relationship.  




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